Strawberry Letter: My Wife’s Secret Friends
Hello Steve & Shirley,
About nine years ago at my mother in-laws funeral, a handsome guy walked past me without acknowledgment. He then gave my wife a huge encompassing hug which she seemed to welcome. She later told me the guy was a college “friend” who every girl, except her, wanted. Although he was a 6’4″ high-yellow college ball player/now a lawyer, I pushed this aside due to the circumstances. One year later, my father-in-law passed and my wife’s best friend/Soror and I had a conversation where I stated that my wife was broken by the loss of her mother and how I could not hold my wife’s actions against her when she was so broken. Specifically in regards to the aforementioned friend.
Side note: Between the two deaths, my wife and the Soror went to a “surprise” party thrown by the guy’s wife. Later, my wife slipped that the two had actually been separated for some time. Suddenly, after my father-in-law’s funeral, the Soror stopped calling and visiting. My wife has repeatedly accused me of doing something inappropriate to cause her Soror to vanish. I eventually told my wife about the conversation and how I had issues with the guy-friend scenario. (NOTHING ever happened or even came potentially close to happening, I even hooked the Soror up with one of my true friends heck, doing “anything” would have violated one of our old player codes regarding “mixing”). Fast forward, we were celebrating my wife’s birthday recently in Las Vegas and my wife was social networking more than talking to me. Her phone was lying on the dresser when it rung and lit up with the guy’s name. She picked up and talked to him for a while. I was going to hold off until we got home, but a couple of hours later she blurts out “go ahead and get if off your chest” which I did. She told me that, surprise, homeboy calls her on her birthday every year — he never forgets!
Separate, but similar, before we met, a different good male friend helped fix her first apartment in the city, met the family and the two “spent a lot of time together dating, but nothing ever happened”. My wife and I have been together since early 1993 and I have never met or spoken to this dude. They have apparently been in contact and are now social networking – he offered to hook her/us up with a good cable deal. Mind you he’s two states away. My wife told me one of her local patient’s sons works for the cable company and can get us this deal, not knowing that I’m aware of that. It is truly this old friend’s offer. Yes, her actions have caused me to look at some of her social networking actions besides these two cats, her ex-boyfriend and his crew are still on her contact/friends list, as well. HMMMMM! We have talked about this before and it was “taken care of”. Now, when I mentioned something about her secret male friends she snapped back that there are no secret male friends and that I need to get over it. She says she’s unhappy, but this is OK. We are 50+, I’m not like I used to be and my income has unfortunately taken a temporary downturn, but I love my wife more than ever. I’m a God-fearing man. We have intelligent, beautiful, teen children and we live in a 4,000 square-foot, golf community home with a dog and a Lexus. I mentioned the amenities, but I really don’t care about them … our relationship and family could be in real trouble.
What’s your opinion on this? (Sorry for the length.) Too old and no time for this!
Listen to Shirley, Nephew Tommy, and guest host Tyler Perry respond to this letter below:
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