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Strawberry Letter: The Child Kept Secret, But the Father Knows

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I am currently in my 20’s I am working and going to school my life is almost normal except the fact that I’m a “secret” My dad was in another relationship when my mother became pregnant with me. I’ve seen my father everyday of my life but I am not allowed at his house not allowed at certain family functions if she is going and not allowed to talk to him if he’s on the phone with her. I know I should be happy that I even know and have a father but I feel hateful towards him about the way he treats me sometimes. He has three other kids by her that get to do everything and go everywhere with him and often I feel like an outsider because his other children blame me and my mother for me being here(his other children are grown as well). I do blame my mother as well as my father because they both played apart in making me. He doesn’t feel like there is anything wrong with what he is doing and every time I ask him why he never tells her about me he always gets defensive and ask ” why does she need to know about you do I want her to buy me things because she’s not” but I don’t need anything from her because I’ve been taking care of myself since I was 14. I think her knowing about me would make life a lot easier he wouldn’t have to lie so much and it would be less stressful. I think he doesn’t want her to know about me because then she’ll find out he still mess with my mom. Everyone tells me she already knows but no one knows for sure but his other children and step daughter know so I thought somebody would tell her but everyone keeps it quite because they say they are being loyal to him that’s why they don’t tell. I sometimes wonder if I should go tell her myself but I don’t want to make my dad mad. He told me that I would be a drama queen if I told and that I shouldn’t tell her because I have loyalty to him not her. This affects my life because I compare every man in my life to him because I sometime feel like if he can do me wrong everyone else can too. I feel like I’m not important to him even though he says he loves me the same as his other children he still feels like nothing is wrong. What do you think I should do???

Listen to Shirley and Steve respond to this letter below:

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