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Strawberry Letter: Am I Hopelessly Consumed With Jealousy?

Dear Shirley and Kem,

I’m having an EXTREMELY hard time moving past my daughter’s father. When I met him he was unemployed, no car and living with his mother. I was trying to get on my feet as well so I didn’t judge him plus I fell HARD for him. The issue came over the next two years when I began making moves (got a stable job, moved into my own place) and he was still in the same situation as when I met him. I would encourage him to apply for jobs and or go to school but nothing was successful. I eventually got tired of it and became distant to him. He really wanted to be with me but at that point I had given up on him but I still loved him and was still being intimate with him. I became pregnant but had it set in my mind that I would be a single mother since he wasn’t reliable. He wanted us to be a family so he got a job and not even a week after moving in together he lost his job. I was very disappointed in him because I would come home from work to find him just getting up for the day and playing video games instead of looking for work. I couldn’t take it and told him I wanted him to leave so he went back to his moms. After I had the baby he tried to come back but I was so disgusted with him that he ended up back at his moms again. I lost my job right after I had my baby and was surviving on unemployment and welfare. Since I was on welfare I was forced to put him on child support otherwise I would of lost my assistance which I could not afford to do. He despised me for that and refused to pay so now he has warrants for his arrest. Fast forward to the present and our daughter is three and he does not help me with her at all or pay his child support. He is still unemployed, no car and living with his mom. He now has a new woman and instead of feeling like hes her problem I’m jealous. He always has her car and only come over to see me for “special” visits. He says that she has his back 100% and that he loves her. It tears me apart to know he is with her and loves her and has feelings for her the way he did me. I started feeling guilty about making him leave and blaming myself for him being with this new woman although I had legitimate reasons. It has affected me to the point where I have lost 60 pounds, have deep depression/anxiety, and lost friendships over him. I have been to professional counseling as well as spoken to pastors. My jealousy of him being with this new woman has consumed my life to the point where I don’t have one of my own. I know just reading this letter sounds crazy but I cant let go of him but feel so stupid for wasting my life over someone who wont even support his child. I know the answer is obvious but its still hard for me. I have always suffered from low self esteem and confidence so I know that plays a huge role in still holding on. What should I do to move pass this man who has moved on from me?

What should she do? Take the advice poll below:


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