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Strawberry Letter: Implementing Steve’s Idea

Hello Shirley, Hello Steve!

I am reading Steve’s books about the relationships between men and women. And YES, you know what are you talking about. Sometimes reading it I have to shout “Amen!” It is like this … However, the one thing is to know about men needs the other one is giving it to him. You may know and want it, but you are still somehow “blocked” and I really regret I didn’t have your books before. And setting standards works for a day two. After that, it is more difficult from the man’s side. I ask myself and you, can I still save, give and get with this man, true happiness and more? And how should I act? Personally and emotionally, I am very engaged with this man but unfortunately we are not together. I didn’t know how to set standards before with him. That is why it didn’t work before between us. But despite of that, our relationship went to another level. I am supporting him realize himself and how he sees me in his plans. But the thing is, I think he just sees me as a working woman. My problem is he is living together with another girl, a much younger one, in her twenties. I am in my thirties and he is in his forties. He told me he wants to do the whole concept with me because I am so intelligent, strong etc. and he is sure it will work with me. I have neglected his point of view a few times probably too many. He mentioned he lives with that girl to save money, but he made this decision a few months ago and it was a good decision. Maybe he is looking for his own place or maybe he’s looking for something bigger for her and him. I totally exploded in that moment. I have told him he doesn’t need me and I am not about to work for the happiness of another woman, so he should go back home and do it with her. He told me that I am joking and that he does needs me and it is for him. He repeated it many times. He didn’t want me to be a part of the management officially, saying he doesn’t want me to have problems if something goes wrong. So I have told him I’m not sure if he has any problems with me he will kick me out. He told me he is looking for somebody stable. After that, I told him he shouldn’t be afraid and doubt about my commitment, hence I’m not interested in him for money. I just decided to help him and it will work. We didn’t discuss more and now officially everything is going to be “our thing.” But there is still a “but.” I have told him I want to be with him but I do not want to be with him as long as he hasn’t cleared his personal situation. On the one hand I see positive reactions from him on the other hand, he told me directly at this moment he does not want any relationship. I didn’t tell him that. But, I do understand a man has to realize himself, forget and leave his past behind in order to be ready for another relationship. It is fine, knowing I have a real chance with him in a true relationship. I would be happy, loyal, supportive to him and patient. But when I just touch his hand sometimes to talk with him, he avoids that. And he told me it is my only motivation he feels… he didn’t end but it was something about “exploiting.” I am very hurt right now. I want to stay with him, support him, stay loyal but he has also another life. I will break myself if I leave him now. And I will break myself after we have founded “our professional baby.” He just sees me as a “boss and partner”. He told me I shouldn’t have any false expectations. I have told him I would prefer him to see me more like a real woman than a business woman. As you have said, it is good to have standards, but as you suggest I also prefer a man to give to me something more because he feels it and wants it and not because I have told him that.

Any idea what I can do better to make this man feel and show real emotions and commitment to me?

Listen to Steve and Shirley respond to this letter below:

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