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Strawberry Letter: Friends vs Roomate/Neighbors

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I have been married for seven years and dated for three, but when we dated I would not live with him. After we got married, I learned he had many bizarre habits and some disturbing ones as well (according to him, he is a recovering addict). Ever since I found out this info during our first year of marriage, I have had serious trust issues with him. Now, I am a social butterfly and have many friends from college that I lost touch with in order to please him because he would get angry or say they wanted to get with him … blah blah blah. But my issue with him now is this: I don’t agree with befriending people in my neighborhood that do nothing but drink, smoke whatever they smoke or cheat on their mates. My husband likes to go into our neighbors’ home and “hang out” and it annoys me. He doesn’t want me to have friends that I relate to and I don’t want him to befriend people around our home because the last seven places we have lived those same people started behaving as if we owe them our time or anything they want as if they lived with us. It was like they moved in or worse, fights started. He got into fights when the guys accused him of trying to get with their women. Obviously, this went on while I was at work! My husband is sadly socially inept as he was sheltered growing up and wasn’t allowed to have friends (super controlling mother) so now as an adult, he wants to treat people outside our home better than he treats me and our two small children. Recently, two women moved in next to us and they are getting real comfortable with him asking them for cigarettes and alcohol and going in their apt to “use the phone” or smoke/drink with them. I expressed why I don’t like this behavior and he told me I’m just insecure. Steve, I feel when I come home, it should be to my family and not the neighbors who do nothing not even work. I don’t trust my husband because of his choices and those he places in his circle of influence. I would rather he hang around men and not women around our home. I also think he should do more with his time other than what he does now. Steve is the writing on the wall …do you see what I see? he says I am insecure as if it has nothing to do with his behavior, choices, or how he treats me (he curses at me and we get into verbal attacks often). Tell me Steve, what would you say to a man who only wants to make friendly with neighbors but never anyone outside that could have common interests or even similar morals and values? I hate feeling like these people are a part of my household and I’m tempted to hurt the ones running their mouths. I’m sick of his low life ways but wanted to hear what you saw in this mess. I say I don’t trust him because of him … but, of course, he says I’m insecure as if it had nothing to do with him or how disrespectful he is to our home and me, as his wife.

Signed ready to walk out and start over.

Listen to Steve and Shirley respond to this letter below:


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