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Strawberry Letter 23: In Love With Two People In One

Dear Shirley, Steve and Crew,

My life is on an emotional roller coaster. I am a 28 year old woman with 2 kids, a husband, a wonderful career, and general well-rounded life. My issue is simple but complicated. My husband and I, along with our then 2 year old, resettled in Atlanta after Hurricane Katrina destroyed our home town, New Orleans. We have definitely been through our ups and downs (including his 2 year unemployment) but life here is good.

We miss home (New Orleans) a lot, but understand that logically it is not the place to be; mostly because of the education system and lack of opportunities for positive educated African American couples/ families. However, when we are here, my husband seems in an almost depressive state. He barely takes care of what I think a man should (as far as trash, cleaning the car, mopping, etc.) and complains so much until sometimes I am just like SHUT THE F**K UP (literally).

He almost seems like the woman in the relationship; the way he seeks console, approval, and often condolences for little issues like his back is hurting because of work. The person I live with here is totally different when we visit New Orleans. He makes sure the kids and I are taken care of and that everything he should do as the man of our household is done. Life is happier there at least with him. He understands that moving back is not an option but doesn’t realize how happier he is there.

Please help.

I am living with Two People in One

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