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Strawberry Letter 23: 18 and Suicidal

Hello morning crew I am a 18 year old high school graduate and I’m currently going through my first year of college. I’m gonna cut to the chase: I need help. For the past 18 years I have been stereotyped, labeled and judged. Since the third grade I have been called a retard by my fellow classmates, teachers, even people at church. I have family members who pick certain members, what I mean by that is they only help out certain family members and not all and I fit in the category of not all.

My father left me and my family last week and we’re struggling to keep money. Days I want to get a gun and shoot myself in the head because of the drama I’m going through and the sad thing is that I can’t explain it or express it because it’s either I’m being a cry baby or I’m complaining too much. People don’t understand where I’m coming from and that is frustrating because it feels like I’m all alone and I don’t know who to go to. It feels like God don’t accept me if he did why am I still going through this now?

The past has became a barrier to my future and it feels like I can’t break it. Please give me a response and tell me what to do before I make the biggest mistake of my life and hurt the people who loves me. Sincerely, 18 and Suicidal.