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As the women of Atlanta headed off on a weekend getaway the bus pulled away from Chateau le Nene and in typical fashion when women get together the topic of men and sex rose first. With conversations about the frequency of sex in marriage, other wifely duties, and befriending the former women of your husband; this week’s Savannah, GA adventure had me thinking.

Since the beginning of the institution of marriage we can assume there have been some questions about the requirements for spouses. Marriage vows include things like submission and wives and husbands bonding in their marriage bed, but here in 2013 the sex question is, how often is often enough? Nene’s friend, Mynique, came to the table saying for the past 13 years she has had sex with her husband every other day while her Rich Bitch counterpart says she only has time to get it on with Gregg once a week.

With jobs, parenting, and the other stresses of life is it reasonable to think that engaging in bed activities with your partner should happen three to four times weekly? Most of these women are active, vibrant, and coming into their sexual peaks; if not solely for those reasons alone I say they should turn off the lights and light some candles like Mr. Pendergrass encouraged folks to do. This conversation easily lent itself to the idea that sex is for men’s pleasure only and that is a concept I cannot get behind. It is a responsibility for each party in a marriage to bring satisfaction to the table! And let’s be honest, these ladies might have jammed packed schedules but you should definitely find time to get un-busy and get busy with your man.

Porsha, you tried it. 

Some think it’s a wifely duty to be “available” for their husband at all times. Recently divorced Porsha certainly does as she added to the conversation saying if you don’t, as a wife, have sex with your mate, then it is your fault if he chooses to find the satisfaction elsewhere. Now while I’m sure she had the best intentions when she dropped this faux nugget of wisdom I’m going to have to send Porsha back to the drawing board with this.

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Infidelity is never permitted in a committed relationship, most assuredly not in a marriage. If there isn’t enough loving happening then some questions need to be asked and changes need to be made. However, to think that if you aren’t “putting out” that you should be put out of your marriage is absolute foolishness. The goal in a marriage should first be to make the other person happy in all areas not just sexual and while it is definitely a key to a successful marriage there are other locks on the door to happiness that must be opened as well.

With the topic of marriage and intimacy being at the forefront of this episode it would only be right to address the notion of befriending your husband or wife’s ex. Kandi and Phaedra have both had a piece of Mynique’s husband, Chuck; and Mynique was determined to mention the past to Kandi. Sadly, the story from her husband differed drastically from what she had heard leaving room for her to be embarrassed and probably angry with her man. Phaedra had her own past with Chuck which only led to Mynique being increasingly more uncomfortable as the conversation continued. This leads to the question, could you be friendly with your spouse’s ex? As Kenya so boldly asked Mynique, “How does it feel knowing that these women have seen what your husband has to offer?”

Would you be comfortable sitting with a man or woman over drinks knowing that they are familiar with the person you sleep with every night? I can say for certain as a person who has experienced the situation it is uncomfortable and depending on the kind of relationship that you have with the person who has been loved on by a few or many; it is best to steer clear.

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No matter how open you may be no one likes know that someone else has seen or shared tender moments with their boo. Even if it was just seventh and eighth grade and then a little while in college, Phaedra. While everyone knows their partner has a past we all do our best to pretend that they were just sitting in the wings waiting on us to arrive.  What’s your take? Sound Off! 

The ladies opened up a can of worms worthy of discussion you can find me on Twitter @Hautemommie to chat about the responsibilities of a spouse, if you think Mynique asked a forbidden question or if you’re a Nene and a weekly dose is good enough. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!


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“Real Housewives of Atlanta” [RECAP]: Too Busy To Get Busy?  was originally published on