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Strawberry Letter: Ex-Factor

For the past 6 years I have been dating my ex-husband. We dated on and off 5 years before marrying and were married 3 years. We divorced because he wanted to build and pay a house off in 3 years and I didn’t agree with the aggressive plan that he came up with on his own because we already had problems in the past where he never wanted to do any social activities such as go to a concert, weekend getaway, etc. He deemed these things as a waste and every time we went out to eat he would ruin the meal by talking about what else he could have done with the money.

We both were making excellent salaries at the time and I felt doing things like this together were a part of building a relationship. Fast forward I left town 3 times and came back to be with him to try to rekindle our relationship. In this time he has continued to build this house by himself (literally) while continuing to work a full and part-time job. Because I walked away from what I had invested in the prior house, I was not willing to invest a lot of time in this new house unless he asked me to marry him again. He asked me 3 years ago to marry him again but then never came up with a date so I gave the ring back. I love him dearly but I have to endure him talking about building his house on a daily basis. Whenever we do see each other, he is tired and broke down.

When asked what I wanted for Christmas the past 6 years, I told him I wanted a husband but I have yet to get that. He got mad at me last week because I told him I was going to check on a male coworker who had a stroke and has no family in town. He told me that was why I didn’t have a husband and that he couldn’t marry me until we discussed how to handle me moving in a house that I didn’t help build. I told him this should be a non-issue because I don’t owe him anything and as a matter of fact I sacrificed my marriage and the years following for this house thing that has consumed every ounce of his energy. The times that I have gone out to help, he has made me feel insignificant and useless because I don’t know much about building houses.

Long story short, I need the strength to walk away from this nonsense and never look back. I spent the last 3 holidays alone while he was making himself busy with the house. FYI, counseling didn’t work before because he has 2 Master’s in Counseling and no one could tell him anything. I am hardworking, beautiful, smart and resourceful, yet I can’t get beyond this foolishness.

Please Help!

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