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Strawberry Letter: I Want To Stay Clean

Good morning Morning Show,

I am a 39 year old woman, grandmother and ex drug addict.. I started getting high at the age of 8years old by drinking.. it progressed throughout my life with weed, cocaine, heroin and many other things.. through the grace of God I do not have any disease.. over a year ago.. I joined N.A.. I have been clean and will not take away the blessing God has given me in yet another chance at a clean life.

I met my man about 3 months into being clean.. he was clean as well. He is 49 years old, smart and handsome we became best of friends then we became a committed couple.. soon after we got an apartment together.. two weeks after the apartment he got high..I found him at another woman’s house, he was there all weekend getting high and who knows what.. since then. I left him took him back and he has relapsed several times and disappeared for a day or two days at a time.

Why do I feel bad that I dumped him?  I will not take him back, I want him though.. I love him.. but I don’t understand why my heart won’t let him go? Am I stuck on stupid or maybe because.. I know what its like to want to stop getting high but can’t.. I stopped getting high…why can’t he? I refuse to let him treat me like dirt anymore. Did I mention he beat me once too? Please share some advice..

Thank You,

Clean&Serene…..

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