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Subject: Generational Curse

Good Morning Shirley & Steve,

Here is what’s bothering me. I am the oldest of five my mother had four children by married men my youngest brother father married her. As I was growing up and began dating my family didn’t like any man I dated, as soon as I started dating a married man it was ok. Our family has a long history of the women dating and dealing with married men my great, great-grandmother did it. I have cousins that did and some had children some did not. After a while a the light finally went off in my head and I stop dating the married man-god started dealing with me and I felt if I were going to live right he had to go also. My mother was all over me what is wrong with you he is a good man I could not make this woman understand this man is married what part of this don’t you understand it’s not right. I got through it and move on I eventually married and my husband and I have been married 10 years together for 14 years. You say what is the problem well my daughter began dating a married man had a child with this man I was like really ok my grandchild is my heart my daughter and the man broke up she is now dating another married man! My daughter is smart, has a college degree but is really stuck on stupid. I keep asking her why does she do this what is she gaining out of a relationship that clearly has no future she told me one day Ma maybe it’s meant to me this way. My mother does not see anything wrong with it I’m like what is wrong with this picture why must my daughter continue to set herself up for failure. I said to her you must really like suffering to keep going back into the same ole’ crap. I keep praying asking god to clear her mind but with every prayer don’t see no results. My mother told me I don’t understand the loneliness I was like lonely she was like you don’t understand what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night ( my mother is a widow now) and noone not be there with you I was like listen lady did it ever occur to you and my simple daughter that man is getting up going home to his wife! My mother and daughter reply to me was it’s better to have piece of man than no man at all I was like ok I guess I’m the stupid one here right they are sitting there looking at me like deer in headlights. I just don’t get it and every time I say something to my daughter it turns into this big argument and I am made to look like the bad person. I keep trying to tell her been there done that. My daughter told me I was wrong for keep my affair a secret I was like that is nothing to be telling people she found out from another girl who the man I was dating had dated her mother for 10 years. Can you help me to help my daughter understand that this is not a good way to life her life. Or should I just let it be and continue to keep on praying?

Listen to Steve & Shirley respond to this letter below: