Subject: Shack or Nah?
Dear Steve & Shirley,
I am 25 years old and just graduated from college. I just started my career in August with a great company. I have only been with the company for 5 months and just found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend of 3 years is currently living out-of-state, but has just accepted a position with an equally great company near me. We have already been discussing him moving up here and us getting married in the future, but now that I am pregnant we decided to move the wedding date up to next year. Now here is the issue. He wants me to move in with him since I am pregnant. He is very adamant about having his family all under one roof. My family is telling me not to move in with him because we are not yet married. His family, on the other hand, is saying we should move in together because we are going to be a family. Now, I do not doubt for a minute that he is going to marry me. I have known him for 4 years now and I know him to be a man of his word. He said to me, “If I’m asking you to move in with me, it’s because I am ready to make that next step.” And I truly believe that he is, but we have still decided to wait until next year to make that next step. Some of my family said that we should just go to the courthouse, but I feel like we would be doing that just so I can move in with him, and we already decided to wait until next year. We have a place set up and we have been looking at rings and discussing our budget for everything. Also, I do not want to rush to do everything at once. He’s starting a new job, moving to a new area and we’re having a baby; then adding getting married, and moving in together all at the same time. I know we already have 3 out of the 5 going on, but I am afraid of adding more stress, because we really do not know what we’re getting into; we’re only 25 years old. I’m stuck at a crossroads, because no matter what decision I make, I will be disappointing someone. I know it’s my life and I have to make my own decisions. But all my life I have been the good one. I have always done what I was told; always strove to make everyone around me happy with my actions and decisions. I do not want to begin feeling like me getting pregnant is destroying everyone else’s life. This is truly a blessing, even though it was not done traditional way. I know he still plans on marrying me either way, but I know that it will cause a lot of strain our relationship if I do not move in. And thinking about our future I do not want to cause any extra stress on our relationship, I think we have enough as it is right now with distance, pregnancy, marriage and soon, a baby. So, my question is, should I move in with him and upset my family, or not move in with him and upset my soon to be family?
Listen to Steve & Shirley respond to this letter below:
