No matter what he’s gonna pay
Good morning Shirley and Steve,
Im shaking my head at myself as I write.
I’m a 38yr old woman with 2 teens. I’ve was with a man ,who is 10yrs older, for 1.5yrs, we got engaged and I moved into his home.
During the 6 month engagement, the wedding was postponed, but i currently live in his home. We had been doing well since the pressure of getting married was relieved. He finally admitted that he wasn’t ready to be married. He was married for 15 yrs and divorced for 4yrs before we began dating. He worked 3 jobs support his family bcuz his wife didn’t work.
The problem is that although I moved to the upstairs apt with my kids where I have ALWAYS paid bills and rent (yes I have a lease); he wants me to start paying 1/2 the bills in the rest of the house because he says we have full access. (Before you judge me as my friends have, please know, a close friend of mine was put out her fiance’s home when the relationship ended. I didnt want to have to move during the middle of the school yr or be homeless if the relationship went south.)
Anyway, I feel he wants the benefit of my companionship, cooking, and intimacy without paying the bills that he would have to pay if I wasn’t here. Besides, the money I give for rent more than pays the bills. The house doesn’t currently have a mortgage. Paying bills wasn’t a discussion until he told me that his sister and best friend( who is a female) whom he consulted, while I was away on vacation, told him that I should be paying bills since we aren’t getting married. How can another woman determine what happens in the home where I live? I consider the same $500 he spends on bills he would spend on 2 (cheap) dates a wk for 4 weeks. He says I will be a good wife. He says he values me and wants a mature relationship with me where we split all the costs, but I dont feel valued. I feel like here wants my money and not the relationship.
Isnt the man the provider? If you tell me you want us to get married one day, shouldn’t you show me that you will/can take care of me? Why is it ok that when we go out, he sometimes asks if I will pay, when 1/3 of the time I offer to pay? He always wants to know about my finances, including child support. I take care of my kids, not him. He has a student in college but he isn’t paying tuition. He isn’t living check to check and we earn similar income. I’m a saver; he’s a spender.
I gave him his ring and more than the amount of money he requested. I stopped “EVERYTHING” and we no longer see eachother around the house, but I REFUSE to pay for his future dates!
The last time I checked cooking, companionship and intimacy has some attached value or did I miss the memo. Am I wrong?
Signed
I Know My Worth
Listen to Steve and Shirley Strawberry’s response BELOW
