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Subject: When Does Compassion Become Stupidity


Dear Steve and Shirley,

My husband and I have been married almost 10 years now, and we have two young daughters. The whole time, he’s had what we’ve referred to as the “white knight syndrome” in which he befriends troubled young women who are in bad or even hopeless situations. He is frequently talking to these friends on the phone or texting or chatting with these women. We’ve even let one with two young children live with us rent-free for several months, which quickly turned into our getting taken advantage of. Most recently, he has made friends with a stripper in a bad situation, and he has been giving her and her stripper friends rides and has gone out at night and given me vague responses when I asked where he was going. He made these friends while I and the kids were out-of-town, and I only recently found out where he was going when I “snooped” through his social media sites and friends. I’ve told him repeatedly I’m uncomfortable with their friendship, between the overtly sexual way she portrays herself online and her overtly sexual profession. I’ve never met this girl, but I mean he’s seen this “friend” naked! How should I feel?!

We were both brought up in Christian homes, though neither of us have been to church in a couple of years, but I struggle with where to draw the line between compassion and stupidity or jealousness or callousness. I understand my husband likes to play the hero and help these women out, but I also know better than to enter a situation where temptation will make its presence known. I just don’t understand why he continues to help these women out even after being burned, and even after I’ve told him I was uncomfortable with his friendship with this most recent girl.

I’m interested in hearing your input. Thanks for reading

Listen to Shirley Strawberry and guest host Tracee Ellis Ross & Anthony Anderson respond to this letter below: