STRAWBERRY LETTER 23: TOO SEXY FOR MY MAN
Dear Morning Show,
I am a 45-year-old divorced single mother dating a 44-year-old divorced man. We have been dating for almost 2 years now and we are committed to each other. I love everything about this man and I know that he loves me. Lately we have talked about marriage and combining our households. Our relationship is perfect in almost every aspect but one. I am hesitant to move forward with living together or marriage because of this one reason. My man absolutely hates the way I dress. He believes I dress too sexy and I dress this way to get attention from men. He bases this solely on the shape of my body. Just to give you a visual I am 5’4″, 157lbs and my measurements are 34-29-45. I have always been shapely with big hips and a big butt. I often joke and say that after my head, my butt got stuck in my mother’s birth canal. For years I tried to camouflage my curves to avoid attention. I would wear baggy clothes, long flowy skirts and never show any skin. Right after I turned 40 I learned to not care about what others think and focus on what makes me happy. It took me a long time to get to this point mentally where I love my curves, but I feel like he is trying to change me. My wardrobe is versatile. When I go to work and church I dress appropriately and very conservative. On evenings and weekends I mainly like to wear fitted jeans, leggings and bodycon dresses. I exercise consistently and I take pride in my body. I have worked hard to maintain my shapely figure. Hell, I think this big butt is what attracted him to me in the first place! If I go out with my girlfriends without him he asks me to send him a picture of what I have on. When I do the response is always negative. He gets upset and has even went so far as to ask me to leave the function I am at to go home and change. He believes that because of my curves I have men pawing and falling over me at all times and I add fuel to the fire by dressing sexy. In reality it is the opposite. I rarely get approached by any man but if I do I immediately tell them I am in a committed relationship. He contradicts himself because if we go out together he wants me extra sexy. The tighter the better he has no issues with my sexy wardrobe as long as he is with me. He says its OK if he’s with me because he can protect me. I am respectful in the way I dress and I carry myself like a lady. I tell him that it doesn’t matter what I wear I cannot hide my shape. It would be visual even in a mumu. I feel that he should just trust me and accept the way I dress. This is the only thing we ever argue about. How can I get him to accept and trust me with my sexy wardrobe?
From, Baby Got Back
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