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Subject: Girlfriend One Day, Married Someone Else The Next Day

Dear Steve and Shirley,

He never told me that he was getting married when we met. The wife called me and admitted that they got married after we met and also admitted they were broken up right up to the wedding date. He was spending the night with me all the way up to the wedding night and many nights up until I found out. When he and I spoke after his wife spoke to me; he explained that he knows he and her should have never done it and that he married her to get back at his baby mother. I went off! I asked him why would you use someone who has loved you and has been your best friend? He said up until me he was so used to just moving like a sorry man who was selfish. From that confrontation he has been honest with her and has told her the truth about his feelings towards her. She understandably has been very angry and abusive. His family adores her and doesn’t want to see him with anyone else even though everyone else who knows him knows he doesn’t want to be with her. They are now (18 months later) filing for divorce and she and both their families blame me. I believed him because of his friends and other family members who have always known how he truly feels towards her. I have always told him that he has to decide whether he is convicted about not keeping his vows or making them in the first place. He has always told everyone his conviction is that he should have just stayed friends. I see this woman’s anger and pain. I know it personally as well. I know what it’s like to believe you have one thing and everyone else believes that too. Then the man chooses someone else out of the blue. I asked him why did he still go down that aisle even after falling in love with me. He told me he couldn’t stand to disappoint everyone and her even though it wasn’t what he wanted. Now I’m labeled the home wrecker. He is living with me now and everyone who wants him back with her pressure him immensely. I’ve recently found out that they will accept him with anyone else even if it’s not her as long as it is not me. I told her that I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to love him. She feels since she talked to me it doesn’t matter what was said and done after. Her and her supporters say I should not exist. Now there is no peace and we love each other but we are hurting. He has changed so much due to all of this but the only thing most want to see is their marriage restored. I know not everyone walks down that isle for the right reason and some ever manipulate Gods Word. My ex-husband was abusive in every way and I know longer wanted my marriage. I ended up having an affair due to wanting out. So I understand a lot to what he has been thru. He just doesn’t have the courage to face everyone who is so wrapped up in her. I’ve been there too. There is more but that’s enough for now. Hope you respond. I never set out to be the OW. Now I’m the Main Woman. I’m lost between all the judgement and don’t know what to do.

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