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Subject: How To Love The Enemy

Dear Steve and Shirley,

My my husband and I recently celebrated our second anniversary. I think that our relationship is healthy except for some issues that I have with his baby’s mama. When we started dating she began messaging me on Facebook. She threatened to beat me up and told me that my man was still sleeping with her and even called my daughter ugly. If I deleted or blocked her, she would create fake profiles to message me again. I usually did not argue back and forth with her, but when she called my daughter ugly, I slipped. After we got married, the harassment dissipated. During this phase she once told my husband that I didn’t need to be afraid of her. A little while later, my husband and I became primary caregivers to our children. We had them for the summer and they started the school year living with us. One weekend, while with their mother, she called my husband alleging that I hit one of our children. This was not true and my husband talked to her and the situation seemed to be resolved. Months later, we went to pick the kids up from school and she was there. She approached me with her newborn baby strapped to her chest and starting yelling at me while I was sitting in the car. I got out of the car and I was sure that things would not escalate because we were in front of the school and she was holding a baby. Plus, I had not been in a hood rat type altercation since high school. I tried to explain to her that I did not hit our daughter. At this point she spit a warm, humongous, DNA filled loogie into my face. I asked the her to hand her baby to her mother, because I had every intention of whooping her tail. But, she would not give the baby up so that ended the altercation. Now, a year later, the kids are staying with us again and so we are often picking them up from their mother and her side of the family. I have no interest in talking to these people. I feel as though if you can spit in my face with no apology or remorse you have no respect for me and there is no reason for us to talk. Recently the baby’s mama has been making an effort to speak to me. This is something that I really don’t want to do but at the same time I don’t want our kids to see us not getting along. I also feel that my dislike for the woman puts my husband in an awkward position. How can I be polite to someone who I cannot stand? How should I act towards this woman? I have never been in a position where I HAD to continue association with someone who I dislike so much. How do I interact with her?

Listen to Steve respond to this letter below: