So here is the thing about being thirty-something and just now getting married; I ain’t got time to be worried about no birth control. I am not a spring chicken, so I have been extremely cautious about my consumption of birth control of the hormonal nature. I have also never been pregnant. I need to know that this machine is working properly and that includes understanding my body, knowing when I am ovulating and the knowing the true length of my cycles.
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During my time as a single woman, I utilized birth control pills at only two different moments. Each time I only lasted three to four months and that was due to the decrease in my sex drive and the increase in my waist. I gained weight and never wanted to have sex, so I quickly realized hormonal based birth control was not the business for me. I figured I had been successful at preventing pregnancy for so long using condoms, I might as well stick with that!
Each year I would go for my annual pap smear, and each year my OB/GYN would inquire if I wanted birth control. NO THANK YOU!
It also didn’t help that my mother had me completely brainwashed into thinking birth control pills increased the risks of miscarriages should I eventually decide to have kids. Unfortunately, but grateful for the knowledge surrounding the experience, many of my girlfriends have had miscarriages and have shared their experiences with me. The majority of them were in their thirties when it occurred and all of them had been on birth control for many years, so my mother’s constant talks and inquiries into whether or not I was on birth control heightened my fears. I understand now that my mother was utilizing scare tactics to prompt me into being susceptible to giving her grandchildren, but she had me and I held on to that fear for a long time.
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Once my fiancé and I got engaged I immediately scheduled an appointment with my OB. I couldn’t wait to share the news of our engagement with her and also, with the likelihood of pregnancy being on the horizon in the future, I wanted some advice. What foods should I avoid? What vitamins should I be taking right now? Can I be tested for any hereditary or genetic diseases that may run in my family? I had so many questions and was so ecstatic that in my eons of years of trying to prevent pregnancy, it was now time to explore my options and open myself to the actual and planned thought of conceiving. Don’t get me wrong, I had NO intentions on getting pregnant before my bachelorette party or my wedding. That would have been a major wrench in my plans to kick it hard for both events, but I knew I would seriously start thinking about us getting pregnant after we got married.
With several of my girls getting married around the same time, we all share stories about birth control or the lack thereof. Many of them are newlyweds and want to enjoy their time with their husbands before thinking about having children despite them being in their mid-thirties. Others have been married for a couple of years and are actively trying. While some hit the ground running and became pregnant not too long after being married (if not prior to the wedding).
I have always shared my preferences with my fiancé surrounding my decision to not take or use hormonal based birth control. He has known this since our second year of dating. We understand the risks we run and/or have run of getting pregnant. However, I would be lying if I said being present during my friend’s miscarriages, being a support to them, hearing their stories of disappointment did not affect me and my choice to avoid birth control.
My fiancé and I have decided to just live once we got married. We will not actively try nor will we actively prevent pregnancy. Like our marriage, we will leave everything up to God and his timing and be accepting of whatever we are presented with.
About the Author: She holds multiple degrees, is a natural born socialite, a business owner, an extreme exerciser of faith and a realist. After 3 years of dating and a year of being engaged, she is ready to tell the truth about what to expect when you are transitioning from being a single woman with no worries to a future wife. For the sake of these articles, let’s just call her Nina. After all, that was here “Club Name” for over 15 years….so yeah, introducing Nina.
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