Once we established that we would not pursue another year in the new city, my fiancé and I commenced discussions on which borough in New York City we would like to set our sights on for our future apartment. Luckily, we came to an easy compromise of Brooklyn. I spent most of my apartment life in Harlem before purchasing a house in Connecticut, but Brooklyn had become one of my favorite places to hang out over the past couple of years. Also, most of my fiancé’s family lives there, so it was a win-win decision for both of us.
As he was away, I did most of the searching and visiting until he was able to get back to NYC for a summer visit. I actually enjoyed this, because it symbolized a new beginning for us. It also symbolized my not having to sleep on couches and air mattresses anymore, once he returned.
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During this past year of determining which city we wanted to lay roots, I refrained from getting my own apartment in NYC as a financial decision. I knew we would soon be incurring a lot of expenses for the wedding, so I had been literally apartment hopping from friend to friend. I had an actual room and paid money to one friend, but I knew my single freedom would soon be taken away, so most times, I would also spend time with other girlfriends sleeping on their couches and just having good old fashioned girl time. But this got old…real fast.
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I longed for the days of having something of my own again. Though my friends were so gracious in providing rooms and couches for me to sleep when I was in NYC, I felt like I was in the way. This period taught me a very valuable lesson in being accepting of help, but I wanted my OWN again. So with that said, I would not rest easy until we found an apartment.
This process was not easy.
New York is hella expensive, and after spending a year in a very economically desirable city, my fiancé was a tad bit delusional when it came to expectations. I could care less what block the apartment was on as long as it was clean on the interior, spacious and had stainless steel appliances. My fiancé, on the other hand, had champagne tastes when we had a beer budget. He wanted a new building, on a desirable block in Brooklyn, with a doorman and elevator. UM, SIR??!!!
Needless to say we could not come to an agreement for a great length of time. I tried so many different tactics to change his view on certain areas in Brooklyn. I would ask him to go for a walk. We would take a more visually appealing route to an apartment he already said “no” to and I assisted him in making compliments on the area then on a “whim” just happen to end smack dab in front that already nixed apartment like, “Oh, look honey! It’s the apartment we looked at! See, that side of the block ain’t so bad.” Sooooo…that didn’t work either.
We ended up looking at more apartments on “better” blocks in Brooklyn, but after walking into too many 400 square foot apartments renting for over $2,000/month, we had to change the game plan.
We started looking into the suburbs and this was like the commencement of my social annihilation.
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I knew what this meant. The further away from the city and Brooklyn I was, the less inclined I would be to want to socialize. I knew this, deep down inside I think he knew it and my girlfriends for damn sure knew it. While visiting a dear friend in Brooklyn, my fiancé and I shared our apartment shopping experiences with her. When we told her we were looking into the suburbs, she shot him a look of death and yelled, “You ain’t slick! I know what you are doing! You trying to take her away from us. You want her to be up in those suburbs, barefoot and pregnant and away from the partying and socializing. I got yo’ number. I KNOW what you are doing.” Though we laughed it off, one had to wonder if this was true!
After another exhausting couple of weeks with no signs of an executed lease, we finally succumbed–well I finally succumbed to what was going to be the new phase of my life. We signed a lease for a new apartment in the suburbs.
No longer are the days of my having clothes and toiletries at three of my girlfriend’s apartments. No longer are the days of drinking wine until I fall asleep watching “Love and Hip Hop” on my girls’ couches. No longer are the days of me being able to meet up for lunch at a moment’s notice. My new reality is now a 20 minute drive from Harlem and/or $15 in train costs (one way) to get into the city. As I work from home, I need a good reason to venture into the city for anything.
My homegirl was right! I’ve been set up!
About the Author: She holds multiple degrees, is a natural born socialite, a business owner, an extreme exerciser of faith and a realist. After 3 years of dating and a year of being engaged, she is ready to tell the truth about what to expect when you are transitioning from being a single woman with no worries to a future wife. For the sake of these articles, let’s just call her Nina. After all, that was here “Club Name” for over 15 years….so yeah, introducing Nina.
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