Subject: Confronted By My Lover’s Past
Hello: Shirley, Tommy, Carla & Big Daddy I really need your help.
First let me tell you that I’m married to a wonderful man. Of course he’s not prefect but neither am I. We have 3 outgoing and funny kids and been married for over 14yrs (and still very much in love with each other). My problem is recently his past came into play with our future. At a family gathering which I was the host of one of my husband family member bought a guest. (Which I was never introduce to).I thought nothing of it until someone very dear to me ask who she was. Of course I didn’t have a answer. As days went on the event was mention again and this woman face was being more visible. At dinner one night I ask my husband who she was. He told me who daughter she was and I laugh. See he had a relationship with her mother many years ago (he was 17).I then said to him she could be yours (joking).I guess the joke was on me. Because he then replied his mom told him that she was told that he was her father. I was blown away. I was anger & felt betray by him and his family. I told him I didn’t want anything to do with this person on his family and not to take our kids around it. Steve, I asked why he didn’t tell me. He gave me some answer like he didn’t know how to or if he should since he was just told and no paternity had been establish. He didn’t know how my ask. How about baby I might have a child that I just found out about for starters. See I might have been able to deal with it had I been told before the whole community found out.(by his mother)But now it like presenting your favorite meal on a dirty plate it just does look that good. Steve tell me am I wrong for feeling this way. I want to be the supported wife but it’s hard when I feel that other people have come in between. I know people can only come between us when we allow space to separate. I try an remind myself that this is as much as a surprise to him as it is to me. I know I can’t hold him accountable for everything he did and didn’t do before me, but how about the thing we dreamed about sharing together expediting thing for the first time all that has or will be scattered if this is his child. Tell how we explain to the kids that who you thought was a family friend is really your older sister. Have we or has he betrayed there trust as well.
Listen to Shirley & Steve respond to this letter below:
