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Subject: Breaking The Cycle After 14 years

Dear Steve and Shirley,

14 years ago, I married a man at age 23. We met on the internet. I was young and hadn’t had much experience in relationships. He was older by 7 years and had already been married twice. At the time, I didn’t realize the mistake I was making and married him after knowing him only a month. A year into the marriage, we had a son, but the relationship was instantly plagued with problems of abuse, both physical and emotional and we soon divorced. Over the past 14 years, my ex and I continued an on and off again relationship which fostered two more children. Our last reconciliation was last year of 2013. My ex husband owns a local business in the town we are from and this time he seemed as if he had grown, matured and finally changed. My heart has always been in trying to build a family for my three kids, so I unwisely always left the door open for him to come back into my life–always thinking things would finally change. I really thought everything would work this time for our three kids. In April, we discussed marriage once again. In May of this year, I learned I was pregnant. By the end of the month, I learned we conceived a set of twins. I viewed it as a blessing, but he pushed me to abort the babies. By this time, his attitude had completely changed and I refused to abort the babies. I knew in my heart that I had done nothing but waste years I could no longer get back, so I made plans to take care of five children alone. In June, I miscarried the twins over a duration of a week. On August 22, the day that would have marked our 14 wedding anniversary, he sent me a text message saying he was getting married. He proposed to her a month to the day of my miscarriage. I was hurt and devastated and by August 27, I was in a health facility hospitalized under a 72 hour hold for depression and thoughts of suicide. The day I was hospitalized, my ex filed temporary 30 day custody of my kids which was granted—due to my depression. I’m struggling with a ton of emotions. I’m sick over not being near my kids. During these fourteen years, I’ve been their sole parent. He never spent much time with the children unless we were together. Now, until we go to court on September 23, I can’t touch my children, see my children or talk to my children and the pain is so heavy that I feel like it’s killing me. I feel like I gambled away 14 years of my life. I am 37 years old, attractive and educated with great family and friends. I don’t understand how I allowed myself to get in this place.I feel like I have made the worst decision in my life allowing myself to follow a man who never cared about me in the first place. I am writing this knowing that you all may come down hard on me, but I really need advice on how to forgive and move on with my life for the sake of myself and my children.

Listen to Shirley and Steve respond to this letter below: