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Strawberry Letter: To Keep Or Not Keep

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I’ve had an affair for 2 months with a married woman with a family. Our relationship began with a casual flirt, talk and kiss. From the outset I knew that the situation could lead to a full affair. Early on we had a conversation and she asked me if she wasn’t married would I be with her and I said yes. I’m committed to take on her baggage. Our chemistry is amazing, we complement each other very well, we’ve experienced a lot and faced challenges.

She Loves me. I have a genuine love for her. Honestly I love this woman as a human being. This isn’t a situation where the physical attraction, lust and sex grew the love. My love really grew during our experiences faced as we embarked on the challenges of the affair. Her husband is a control freak, possessive and crazy. I nickname him Stalker. He makes her take a screen print of her computer screen to show the time she clocks out of work and needs her on the phone the minute she exits the building. He utilizes the location device on her phone to track where she goes and he scrutinizes her every move.

Needless to say it was difficult to get used to fostering communication but we’ve utilized texts and scheduled calls from blocked numbers. But she is not a good liar and he has caught her lies and this has led him to tighten his grip on her life. She has known for years that she has lost love with him and she has only stayed because of her kids and the security of her marriage. However, I sense the reason she has stayed is because her husband is not only controlling and overprotective. He is abusive. It’s not physical or verbal because she says he is like a best friend sort of but he is manipulative.

However, Steve, recently he grabbed her by the neck threw her down and kicked her. I’m sick to my stomach. A short while ago she told me she doesn’t know how to leave him and she fears her life if he ever found out that she has an affair. On two occasions in past he left home for a couple days as she requested space and separation but he came back because “its my house and I pay bills.” I’ll keep the secret about our affair. But do I keep the secret about the abuse?

Before the recent turmoil occurred we both agreed that our affair would slow down as she tries to handle her situation. I agreed wholeheartedly. I’m not concerned about my desire for her loving me and us being together as we frequently vow to. I love this woman so much as a person and don’t want to see her in a bad situation regardless of us ever being together.

I see this woman everyday, so it will be hard for me to just let her go on living in her hell.

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